Still here

Still kickin

Still giving shots every 12 hours. Can you develop personal issues deliberately causing pain to someone? My days are flying by because my clock is on some sort of time warp. I look at the clock and I have 10 hours before I have to give a shot. The next moment it's only 4 hours left. The next time I look it's time to go and inflict pain once again. My fkid's therapist asks me what I'm doing for self-care. I told him as soon as I had time I would add that to my neverending to-do list.

I tried to talk my Dd19 to go with me and learn how to do it. If I could have 24 hours to recover maybe it would be easier. She said she would until it was time to go. Then she tells me that she can't hurt her nonna. I tell her it's to save her life. She tells me that she just can't. I ask her, what if you had to give me a shot every day to save my life, could you do it? If I was mad at you I could. Lovely. Like I would want her to give me the shot at that point.

We spent the day at dr appts yesterday. Her organs are doing better. The liver is doing a little too well as far as I'm concerned. Her INR is raising so slowly that they gave me an extra 10 days of injections. Blech. They think she may have a stone blocking something in a kidney causing that kidney to be in crisis. They are also considering looking at a third valve replacement surgery for 2 of her valves. I guess valves have about a ten year life expectancy and hers are failing at 8 years. Her odds suck though. Her choices are: continue life as she is now -weak, forgetful and on oxygen with a possible one year left. Have the surgery - high risk of not surviving the surgery at all, high risk of stroke and possible vegetable status if she does survive the surgery, small chance of coming through just fine and getting up to another 10 years of life. She's leaning towards the surgery because she says she's pioneer stock and is a fighter. I have no input in this by choice. I could never make this choice for anyone. Way too scary.

And now I look at the clock, stressed out because I only have 10 hours and 15 minutes until I have to give her another painful shot just knowing another day is going to fly by with nothing getting done....