bad mommy

I followed a link that was posted for me yesterday. It was left in a comment that I didn't even know I had :)

[Wow....I get comments! If you left a comment and I didn't respond it's not because I'm ignoring you, or lacking social graces, or don't know the etiquette of responding. It's because I didn't know they were even there! That and I get so wrapped up in whatever I'm doing at the time that I forget to search for comments :) If I ever went back and read what I had posted previously I would delete it. I know me :) I have good days and days where I just want to bury my head until the day is over and forgotten.]

I get foggy in the winter and exhaustively manic in the summer trying to play catch up for the previous 6 months. There are closets that need to be re-organized, clothes that need to be sorted and restocked, kitchen cupboards that need to be organized from me just shoving canned foods into it, corners that need to be swept and that's just on the inside. I don't even want to think about what needs to be done on the outside :)

So back to my link. I followed it and it was pretty good! Very informative. The only thing is it didn't really pertain much to me. Yes. I technically have an empty nest. In reality I want an empty nest...I'm working on getting an empty nest...I'm emotionally ready for an empty nest. I just don't have an empty nest. Every so often I get resentful that my children don't feel ready to grow up and move on. Mine aren't as bad as a show I watched last week (thank God) but they run a close second. Please please watch the last 2 minutes of this 8 minute link. I watched the entire show in horror of parental love gone so so wrong. This is what an adult with entitlement issues looks like. This is what the new generation is leaning towards. This is what happens when you treat your teens wants and needs as the same thing. It may never reach the point that it did in the show but even a close shot could create a scary situation.

I would like to kick my kids out the front door and say 'lose my number'. I would like to say 'lets get together for the holidays, I'll come to your house'. I would like to not care about their crisis's. I would like them to reach a point in life where they call me and ask if I need anything instead of calling me to tell me that they just need a little something. I wonder how old you have to be where they call you because they hadn't heard from you and were worried about you? I would like to not be the mommy and just be the mom. I would like to have my house all to myself and go through an awesome selfish stage like they got to do. I got pregnant at 16, got married and have devoted my life to their well being. The mommy Gods chose to let my birth control fail 4 times (the tubal got you though, huh) and I did what I was supposed to do for the children that I chose to bring into the world. I would like to devote some time to me now, but I can't. I love them and I worry about them and I seem to be hard-wired to meet their needs above my own. It's an issue that I'm working on. Daily. I backslide and get sucked in and totally forget my rehearsed, "wow, that sucks...what are you going to do?" bit. So I get bad mommy of the year award for not being the mommy but I can live with that. They're adults now. I'd rather be the mom anyway :)