My moms family is dour. All of them, not a single sense of humor between any of them. That pioneer stock made them survivors, but shrunk their sense of humor to the size of a walnut. Dry humor is about as good as it gets. That's the background.
I needed to help my mom unpack but also had a dozen errands to run for my house yesterday. So when my mom calls I tell her, 'hey mom, why don't you call the girls (my sisters) and tell them that the rental isn't working out and you need to move in. After they freak you can say APRIL FOOLS!'. I figured that would keep her busy for a bit and she would forget that I've been telling her for 2 days I'll be right over. She calls me about an hour later laughing that the Middle One took a lot of deep breaths. (mom) Hi dear, I'm having so many problems with the landlord and now the hot water tank went out. It's just not going to work out and I need to move in with you. (Middle One) deep breath, wow, really, have you called the landlord and left messages, maybe he's busy. (mom) no, he said he'll get to me when he can and I can't stay here if I can't shower. (Middle One) okaay, deep breath, when were you thinking about moving in? (mom) I'm packing right now, we'll be there in about 2 hours. (Middle One) um, okaay, umm, you'll have to stay in the family room for a bit until I can move the boys around. (mom) thank you dear, oh, by the way, happy April 1st. (Middle One) long pause, quietly spoken...mom, you're a bitch. After she quits laughing I ask her if she's called the youngest yet (I'm still running errands), she says not yet but she'll do it right now. She calls me 20 minutes later in tears. She tells me it was terrible. She started with her story about the landlord to Youngest One and says she needs to move in with her. Youngest One says 'I have to go mom, I'll call you right back' and hangs up. She says Youngest One calls her back 10 minutes later in tears, says hubby says he's done enough for the in-laws and if they move in he's leaving her and mom can't tell her it was an Aprils fools joke and now it backfired terribly. I break in at this point (ms. care-taker and problem solver to the rescue) and say 'mom, I'll call hubby in law and make this right and I'll call you right back and hang up on her. I'm thinking to myself, he doesn't have a large family, he wants his wife to himself, that's ok, we are a bit much, but he can't leave his wife over a bad joke, we can't have problems in the family, we're together too often, I have to fix this, this was a joke, a terrible joke, what an awful idea, a divorce from a joke. I call said hubby in law at work and say, 'Hey, I guess mom got us all with this April fools joke about moving in with us all and Youngest One is pretty upset but it was a joke that got out of hand' he asks if his wife is ok and then says never mind he'll just call her and hangs up (this family hangs up on each other WAY too much). So I call mom back while I'm thinking to myself that his response was odd to me. They've been married for almost 15 years so I've seen him in every mood. That wasn't an angry mood, but I call mom while I'm walking in the door from errand 8 and prepping for errand 9 and tell her what he said. I tell her that I believe everything will be ok, he's calling Youngest One. She's really quiet and I focus for a moment. OH SHIT. I know what's coming. 'APRIL FOOLS!! We got you! It was all Youngest Ones idea to get you back and it worked'! I take a breath, realizing that they got me. They really got me. They got me by knowing me SO well. I'm the eldest. I'm the Problem Solver, and got took for it. I muttered gracelessly 'you are both such Bitches'! Mom says that's 3 for 3 on the name calling. She says Youngest One didn't even call hubby, just says ok mom, but I have to go to work so you'll have to make the beds. I tell mom, we don't do this next year. We never do this again. What if one of them said to her, no mom, you can't move in, so sorry about your luck. This could have turned out so badly. NO MORE JOKES. Then I call Youngest One and say, I hope you know that mom's on her way to the hospital with a blood clot from laughing her ass off at me. No takers.
I needed to help my mom unpack but also had a dozen errands to run for my house yesterday. So when my mom calls I tell her, 'hey mom, why don't you call the girls (my sisters) and tell them that the rental isn't working out and you need to move in. After they freak you can say APRIL FOOLS!'. I figured that would keep her busy for a bit and she would forget that I've been telling her for 2 days I'll be right over. She calls me about an hour later laughing that the Middle One took a lot of deep breaths. (mom) Hi dear, I'm having so many problems with the landlord and now the hot water tank went out. It's just not going to work out and I need to move in with you. (Middle One) deep breath, wow, really, have you called the landlord and left messages, maybe he's busy. (mom) no, he said he'll get to me when he can and I can't stay here if I can't shower. (Middle One) okaay, deep breath, when were you thinking about moving in? (mom) I'm packing right now, we'll be there in about 2 hours. (Middle One) um, okaay, umm, you'll have to stay in the family room for a bit until I can move the boys around. (mom) thank you dear, oh, by the way, happy April 1st. (Middle One) long pause, quietly spoken...mom, you're a bitch. After she quits laughing I ask her if she's called the youngest yet (I'm still running errands), she says not yet but she'll do it right now. She calls me 20 minutes later in tears. She tells me it was terrible. She started with her story about the landlord to Youngest One and says she needs to move in with her. Youngest One says 'I have to go mom, I'll call you right back' and hangs up. She says Youngest One calls her back 10 minutes later in tears, says hubby says he's done enough for the in-laws and if they move in he's leaving her and mom can't tell her it was an Aprils fools joke and now it backfired terribly. I break in at this point (ms. care-taker and problem solver to the rescue) and say 'mom, I'll call hubby in law and make this right and I'll call you right back and hang up on her. I'm thinking to myself, he doesn't have a large family, he wants his wife to himself, that's ok, we are a bit much, but he can't leave his wife over a bad joke, we can't have problems in the family, we're together too often, I have to fix this, this was a joke, a terrible joke, what an awful idea, a divorce from a joke. I call said hubby in law at work and say, 'Hey, I guess mom got us all with this April fools joke about moving in with us all and Youngest One is pretty upset but it was a joke that got out of hand' he asks if his wife is ok and then says never mind he'll just call her and hangs up (this family hangs up on each other WAY too much). So I call mom back while I'm thinking to myself that his response was odd to me. They've been married for almost 15 years so I've seen him in every mood. That wasn't an angry mood, but I call mom while I'm walking in the door from errand 8 and prepping for errand 9 and tell her what he said. I tell her that I believe everything will be ok, he's calling Youngest One. She's really quiet and I focus for a moment. OH SHIT. I know what's coming. 'APRIL FOOLS!! We got you! It was all Youngest Ones idea to get you back and it worked'! I take a breath, realizing that they got me. They really got me. They got me by knowing me SO well. I'm the eldest. I'm the Problem Solver, and got took for it. I muttered gracelessly 'you are both such Bitches'! Mom says that's 3 for 3 on the name calling. She says Youngest One didn't even call hubby, just says ok mom, but I have to go to work so you'll have to make the beds. I tell mom, we don't do this next year. We never do this again. What if one of them said to her, no mom, you can't move in, so sorry about your luck. This could have turned out so badly. NO MORE JOKES. Then I call Youngest One and say, I hope you know that mom's on her way to the hospital with a blood clot from laughing her ass off at me. No takers.
1 I think...:
"My moms family is dour. All of them, not a single sense of humor between any of them. That pioneer stock made them survivors, but shrunk their sense of humor to the size of a walnut. Dry humor is about as good as it gets. That's the background."
Soooooo true! I *think* mine is a little larger than a walnut! (grin)
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