from my point of view...

As part of my bucket list one of my 'new' things was socializing more. Because I'm still doing foster care it really cramps my time for me :) They're too old for daycare and they're teen girls with issues so they can't ever be left alone or left with Grumpy. I did want to learn how to square dance but that's not Grumpy's thing. I wanted to join the grange, but that's not Grumpy's thing. I wanted to join a pinnacle group, but that's not Grumpy's thing...see where I'm going with this? He's not much into socializing unless you're killing an animal during the conversation. To each his own :)

As far as my own, I'm reserved which comes across as Bitch if you don't know me. I'm blunt and that makes it difficult for me sometimes so it's easier to just keep my mouth shut most of the time. I dislike drama and have a hard time with the little social niceties but I clean up well, as my mom would say. I drive an suv large enough to hold all my kids and still make me feel safe. It's in dire need of a wash and probably has pacifiers in it over 4 years old. I'd throw them away if I could find them under the daily crap. I wear my levi's and xlarge white t-shirts because I love to be comfortable. In the summer I wear sweat capris and xlarge tshirts. I do my hair if I remember, a hair pony if I don't but I always wear mascara and brush my teeth no matter how late I am. That's me. I really don't care too much how I look unless I have a meeting with the higher ups, and I have clothes for that. I have my dream home which is a 1950's farm house on some acreage. Grumpy and I lived in a crappy home for 20 years before we built enough equity to live here and I love it more every day. No marble, no granite, it's not a show piece, it's my home and I have things in it that make me comfortable.

About 4 months ago I started mixing with the other foster parents. They were tossing an idea about having a morning coffee social once a month at various homes. I thought that was a wonderful idea. I attended 2 before it was my turn. One was a cute little suburban home in a new neighborhood. They had a few nice antique pieces on display and a lot of baby stuff (newbies doing littles). The other home was an older home that was very comfortable with lots of well used stuff because they had done babies and toddlers for 20 years. We had a wonderful time gossiping and chatting about new classes coming out and just plain talking with Grown-ups. Then it was my turn. I had a ball with the fruit plate and doughnuts. I brought out my depression wear that I only use on holidays and the house was beautifully cleaned. I had my carafes on the warmer but ran out of shower time so I just ran a brush through my hair and dressed as usual.

Everyone was on time and so was I so I was very relaxed as they came in and helped themselves to coffee. As we took our seats in the living room I kept noticing looks between different women. I was really starting to feel the undercurrents and getting uncomfortable. The coffee was good, I was clean, the house didn't smell, I didn't have anything in my teeth (I looked) so I couldn't figure out what was going on. They left at the normal time but it was kinda stilted conversation and no one hung around after like we did at the other 2 homes. I was really bummed and couldn't figure out what had happened so I called my mom to pout a bit.

When you ask your mom a question and she answers you, 'Well, I've been meaning to talk to you about that" you know it's not going to be good. I was just venting a bit and she tells me that I dress down...a lot...and that I don't match my house. I love my house! It's so comfortable, how could I not match my house?! She points out to me that house #1 had a couple antiques on display with little lights shining on them. I have family antiques all over the place and use them for daily wear. I grew up with the original furnishings of my great gma's house and have most of her depression wear of several hundred pieces. I have this awesome antique cabinet that if you open the doors a table pulls out with enough leaves to seat 12. I use it as a tv stand unless needed. I have family photos on the wall from the 1800's in the original frames. It's family, not display. Most everything I own is either a hand-me-down or craigslist (yes, in my world antiques are hand-me-downs). I'm too cheap to by new.

With all of this mixing and matching, what I think is comfortable my mom says is as classy is to nouvelle riche. Whatever. She says that I don't dress to fit my house. Again, whatever. Why should how I dress matter? She says that the women had lowered expectations of where I would live and that they were slightly insulted and uncomfortable when proven wrong. Because I have daily wear when house number one has the same thing on display was not meant to be insulting. Having a view that people rave over is not an insult to those who live in the suburbs. I have hardwood floors, how is that insulting to your new wood floors? Didn't I say they were beautiful? Mine are old and need a good polish. I was not being insulting. I was being real.

If I felt like being insulting I wouldn't have opened my mouth, I would have blogged about it. I, however, am insulted. In fact the more time goes by the more insulted (hurt) I get about it. I am exactly who I say I am. I have a comfortable gorgeous house that I am proud of. I didn't care what those women dressed like, or drove, or their jewelry or how they decorated their homes. I enjoyed their company. Except now I can't enjoy their company because they're petty and shallow. To look around my home, look at me, and then look at each other is insulting. To only want me in their group because they think I live in a crappy home is shitty. Actually it shows a real lack of class to make the hostess so uncomfortable.

I decided to disengage from the coffee group after realizing that those women are not something I want to be a part of. And then just for grins (and self esteem) I went to Ross and bought a new outfit for our office dinner later that week. I spent about 100.00 head to toe (and 'saved' 200). I even went and got a light airbrush tan. Did I mention I clean up well? I do. I really do. I got quite a few looks and compliments at the dinner from both men and women. They gave me a smile and nod hello but the supervisors and managers all made their way over to me and grumpy to chat awhile.

I guess I finally matched my house.